stalker nation

From friendster to myspace to facebook...Such a long journey. And such mixed metaphors! First there was the printed word: the classifieds. Then the matchmakers - by phone and on-line. And now? These crazy communities sprouting up left, right and alt center on the world wide web.

That's right, communities. 'Cuz that's how they're billing themselves these days. Hmmmmn...

At first, I was skeptical. Sure, singletons unite. Happy hunting. Let us live vicariously through you as you regale us with tales from the dark and technologically advanced side. But marrieds and takens? Nice try. Who but a low-down lying cheating dog would be on these sites?

"Friend"ster? Come on. I never really looked around there. MySpace? Seemed to be an on-line ego trip with options to get laid. Not that I have my OwnSpace. But hey, I've been around. Stalking...That's right, stalking. What else is a married girl to do? I could post a screenplay on there - but puh-lease, does that really work? Music, maybe. And maybe not. Good for friends/snoops to take a listen and pass around to praise or chuckle, but otherwise....Are you telling me all those cats who list Ms P. Hilton as friends really are? Still?

A few months ago, I got my first Facebook request. I immediately declined. I couldn't snoop around without joining, so forget it. Then I got another one. And another. My interest was piquing. Daily. Then a far flung friend put in a request I couldn't deny. Log me in!

And then what?

You see, I still don't really get what to do on there. I still kinda think it's a slippery slope. From secret stalking, to innocent chatting to.....god only knows. Because the fact remains, the people I want to keep in touch with, I...erm, keep in touch with. The people I want to chat with? You guessed it, I chat with. In my own private yahoo world.

And yet...Once I created an account, I couldn't see the harm in having a poke around. And by poke I mean virtual poke - because I find myself doing a lot of that. I also found myself plugging in that device that tells you who, in your address book, is already facebooking.

Is this the new scrapbooking?

It's the new something. And it's addictive. I found myself sending out that mass email asking my friends to be my friends. 'Embrassing? Kinda. It seems to me the aim of facebook is to list as many peeps as possible as pals. Why? Hmmmm, maybe so's you can snoop through their friend list. And so on, and so on and so on.

In other words, it's for looking up exes. Ex lovers, ex friends, ex schoolmates, ex coworkers. All manner of exes, all the time. I, for one, would never acknowledge. Most of my exes are either freaks or friends. Throw in some drunken mistakes and a lack of self esteem and, honestly, do we need to go down that road? Relive it? For what?

I told one of my friends - who only occasionally snoops (via his wife's account). I explained that I didn't want to look up some old stalker. He pointed out maybe that was the point - to turn the tables. Maybe. Another friend and I played secret stalker. But there were hundreds of people with the same name - all of 'em much younger than we are. She seems to think Facebook is THE site for the over 30 crowd.

So what are my nieces and nephews, barely out of their teens doing there?

And what about the guy who shares my husband's name? When it says "view friends", it really means view friends. What if someone thinks that little f*&k is the father of my children?!

A lot of my overseas joined at my behest. they now think I'm the queen of Facebook, so when they email me (publicly!!) asking what it's all about, I quickly yahoo them back. Et voila, we're back in touch. But I don't think that's the main attraction here. Nor is the buzzfeed, giving you the rundown of everybody else's facebook business. It's all so very strange.

So why am I constantly on there?

Good question.

I'll let you know. After further exploration. But now I must dash. I've got some more, erm, friends to find.