SSSSHHHHHH!!!!

To call or not to call... that is the question.

Yes kids, I feel the need to revisit that little thing called "mobile phone etiquette". It seems that many of us our lacking it. Big time.

I'm not anti-mobile. Not by a long-shot. I love my iphone. Can't/won't leave home without it. I quite liked my old flip-top too. Hello Moto? Hello! I've never been a crackberry head - but only because I went Mac instead. So, no, I'm not some throwback who thinks we'd all be better off landed. Au contraire. I'm all over cellular telephones of all shapes and sizes....

Except, of course, when used inappropriately. Then, I have to temper the rage I feel bubbling up inside me. The anger that wants to march over to the offending phoner, smash their cel, and walk away. Without uttering a word. Smash. Leave. Silence.

Time and place, friends....Time and place.

I was at the gym today and I had The Rage. I was sweating to the oldies, ipod blaring, in The Zone. Suddenly I found myself inadvertantly listening to a conversation. A phone conversation. The woman next to me had received a call, and proceeded to talk for 18 minutes. I know because I timed her on my elliptical machine. I concentrated on pushing with my arms, she talked. I increased speed, she talked. I changed directions, she talked. Finally, I began the cool down...Yep, still talking. 18 minutes of discussing whether or not her friend should move in with her new man.

On the one hand, it could've been kind of entertaining. On the other....the ol' Time 'n Place thing. At the gym? Shoulder to shoulder with other people? Hello? Inappropriate!!! You see, I could hear her through my headphones, over the sound of the loudspeakers and the hum of the machines. You know when it's summertime and you're trying to sleep and a mosquito buzzes right in your ear??? It was all I could do to slap her away....I moved on to the free weights, but she kept on going. From the elliptical, to the inner-thigh machine, to the mats. Is it me? Or is that weird? (It's also quite impressive. She must be in spectacular shape if she can carry on a conversation while workin' workin' workin' it...)

Later this afternoon, I went to pick up my 3-year-old from nursery school. There were parent volunteers manning the parking lots because there have been issues with cars, preschoolers, and blind spots. I was standing with my son, talking to one of these faux-wardens, when another parent turned her SUV into the driveway, and headed straight for us. I promise you without any spice that she stopped about a foot from my friend's chest. I banged on her window but she was too busy chatting. Exasperated at the lack of parking spots, she finally rolled down her window to start bitching. When the parent volunteer pointed out she'd almost hit her and the young child next to her (mine!) the woman shrugged and said she hadn't noticed BECAUSE SHE WAS ON THE PHONE.

Well. I. Never.

Is it me? Or are these people, erm, challenged? Who drives through a preschool parking lot without noticing that there might be, oh I dunno, PRESCHOOLERS in it! I'm all for using your phone in the car...If you can handle it. Is talking in the car phone like having good taste? Y'know, everyone thinks they have great taste, but most people don't. It seems everyone thinks they can talk and drive at the same time...But can they?

Time. And. Place.

There's a time and place for talking. I know because I'm a chatter. If you need to talk, do what you must. But ask yourself - does everybody else need to hear? NO. If you're late for picking up a carpool, do you have the right to stunt drive? NO. For those too dim to figure it out, here are some examples of places wherein you may want to turn your ringer off - or get outta dodge:
restaurants, spas, theatres, performances of any kind....The list is endless.

So next time you're in your doctor's waiting room, or having a pedicure, or in any other close-quarter situations, think about sending a text before you answer that call. Not only is it rude to subject the rest of us to your convo, but, in a town such as ours, it may be hazardous to your social life. The person next to you pretending to read the Us Magazine is, in fact, listening in. Because he or she has no choice.

Time. And. Place.

So please....a little self-retraint, a little etiquette, and a little quieter up front....for all our sakes....