I recently came across a fabulous article entitled "I Love My Children. I Hate my Life."
I was dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. All those great words that describe that shock 'n awe feeling...
According to the most recent studies, having kids makes you unhappy. I'm paraphrasing of course, but when I read this, I wanted to refute it at every word. I'm deliriously happy. Except when I'm not. And staying home and being there for my children is completely fulfilling...
OK. Not really. But....How did they know??
I did prefer washing up the dinner to bathing my kids. And of course I'd rather bake something real then pretend cook fake food. Stacking blocks, fitting shapes into holes, doing the simplest of puzzles....No, no and no thank you.
Sure, I could get into playing - I'd build something kinda cool, only to watch one of my guys gleefully knock it down. I loved when my boys helped me with my mini-business in the kitchen. As long as they understood I was totally and utterly in charge and they followed by every direction. Not so fun for them, tho' raw dough is always a good incentive.
Yes, I confess: I hate the park. Ditto Sportball and other kiddie programs, watching Teletoon, and bro-on-bro (-on-bro) wrestling. We joke that it's Rated M for Mother. because this mother can't stand to look.But the park? Stresses me out. Either I'm standing still in the sun, repetitively pushing swings or, even worse, watching my 2-year old clamber up structures much taller than me - with several ill-spaced openings, perfect for falling from. That gut instinct that tells you not to walk off an edge? My son doesn't have it. Or maybe he does but finds it hilarious seeing me try to figure out which side of said climber he has the least chance of tumbling from. It's quite a dance we do. I envied my friends whose kids preferred the sandpit. They'd sit for hours and yeah, emerge filthy, dumping sand all over the floor, but my boys did that sans sand. And at least my friends got to shmooze with the other moms in the park. As one person pointed out: that's not the point. You're supposed to shmooze with your kids.
Oh.
A lot of my female friends have confessed to not being very good at (ie not really enjoying)"playing". Maybe because quite often, they've got other things to do (dinner, laundry, sorting through old clothes). One friend of mine told me the best day she ever had with her kids at the park was the day she figured she'd let them eat cereal for dinner.
Maybe it's a girl thing. My Man loves to play with our boys. Maybe they have too much access to me or maybe (gulp) he's just more fun. Apparently I'm more "talk-y". Not sure how to take that.
The article mentions the "golden age" of child-rearing: when the kids are 6-12. Babies and toddlers are hard, and teenagers are worse. Our guys are 2, 5 and 7. I fear we'll never be in that golden age. When my youngest turns 6, my oldest will be 12. Little kids, little problems and all that...
Either way, we're right in thick of it. There's a lot of "drudgery". A lot of "chores". And a lot of counting to 3 (and wondering what you'll do if you reach the magic number and your kid doesn't care). And yet, when my very busy baby starts singing "Imma Be", complete with fist-pumping, I howl. And when my not-so-compliant middle guy joins me on my errands - he doesn't like to miss a thing - he slays me with love and laughter (cliches be damned) every time. And when my super-sensitive eldest and I went to NYC, just the two of us, there was nothing better. It was like a honeymoon of sorts - but with my kid.
I feel like the "unhappiness" comes less from the kids and more from the loss of freedom that parenting brings. Same thing? Perhaps. Freedom is a luxury that I for one definitely took for granted. Going out wherever, whenever is no longer an option. Thinking solely of myself is impossible. Not because I'm the perfect wife and mother, but because it's literally impossible. There's always someone who needs something, somehow, somewhere. Or I get tired. Or distracted. But appreciating it now - is that about parenting? Or just growing up?
The grass is always, always greener. But seeing so many of my own "bad thoughts" put onto paper was quite gratifying. And enlightening. Therapeutic even.
But fleeting.
If you have a chance, grab NY Mag and head for the toilet. And don't forget to lock the door.
For those for whom this is impossible: check it out on-line:
http://nymag.com/print/?/news/features/67024/
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Thursday, July 08, 2010
MOAM BOOK CLUB
July 2010. It's hot. It's very, very hot. Too hot to handle. Like standing behind a bloody bus. There's not much on the tube, cinema is lackluster instead of blockbuster, Toy Story 3D not withstanding. (yeah, yeah... I cried too)
But I digress....This is the annual book list. The really good flicks start making their way into our air conditioned theatres tomorrow, so, without further ado, you asked for it, you got it:
The MOAM Summer Reads List
The Children's Book - A.S. Byatt
This is a big, meaty, sprawl of a book. It follows the lives of a famous writer and each of her children, their friends and families. Starting out in Victorian England, and finishing up at the end of the First World War, reading this baby was like watching the most exquisite period film and hoping it won't end. This novel is brilliantly written, and not just because I am biased towards AS Byatt. I've loved her since Possession (which you should also read) and read everything she's written. This one is totally accessible - and devastating. Not necessarily a beach read, but fantastic. Break out the tissues.
The Slap - Christos Tsiolkas
I was hooked from the very start. At a BBQ in Australia a man slaps a child who isn't his. And thus it begins. After the proverbial shrimp on the barbie, the incident is seen through various eyes, intertwining stories and characters while painting a spectacular portrait of life in the Melbourne suburbs. Modern families, domestic life, identifiable characters and yet....totally sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. I couldn't put this one down - you won't either. AWESOME.
The Help - Kathryn Stockett
Is there anyone out there who HASN'T read this book yet? What are you waiting for? The film? Good books almost always outclass and outlast their oft feeble adaptations (unlike the cheesy books which make for FABULOUS flicks)....Set in 1962 Mississippi, we've got a university graduate ahead of her time who tells the stories of, well, the segregated town's Help: the nannies, babysitters, and maids. Compelling, brave, awesome. It's been in softcover for months now, so no more excuses. Grab it and start. You won't be able to put this one down.
Stieg Larsson Trilogy
What? How could I do a summer reading list without these books on it? Blockbusters to be sure - but with good reason. All of Sweden can't be wrong, right? The rest of the world obviously agrees. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. The Girl Who Played With Fire. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest. Potboilers. Kick-ass female lead. They are NOT flawless - the late novelist would probably have a lot to answer for, putting his magnificent Lisbeth Slander through such gruelling, violent and downright deviant experiences. His details made me a little squeamish, for both the content itself and the dichotomy of the strong female lead stacked up against such gross brutality. Did he need to go that far? Is it twisted porn in some ways? Who knows? They're terrific reads and quick quick quick, ensuring you have lots of time to finish them before you see all the Swedish flicks (no. 2 out next week) or the American remakes. My fave was the second book. What's yours?
One Day - David Nicholls
Full disclosure: I haven't finished this one yet. While I was in London one of my favourite people raved about it, foisted it upon me, and promised I'd love it. I saved it for the plane, but then got all caught up in the third and final Larsson book. Meanwhile, my man scooped me, read it in a matter of days while I read magazines, waiting. He loved it too. And suddenly - this book is everywhere. Or at least seems to be (Helloooooo EW). It's about two people who meet on the night of their college graduation. We follow their lives, chapter after chapter, each one depicting the same day, but one year later. I couldn't wait. I wanted to love it, live it, breathe it. And.... I didn't like it. The characters bored me. They felt cliched and earnest, annoying and indulgent (especially The Girl). AT FIRST. And then, last night, Emma and Dex (said characters) turned 30. And I turned into a fan. A huge fan. Total 360. Gripped?! I am gripped.
Gotta go. Must finish my book.
ENJOY!!
But I digress....This is the annual book list. The really good flicks start making their way into our air conditioned theatres tomorrow, so, without further ado, you asked for it, you got it:
The MOAM Summer Reads List
The Children's Book - A.S. Byatt
This is a big, meaty, sprawl of a book. It follows the lives of a famous writer and each of her children, their friends and families. Starting out in Victorian England, and finishing up at the end of the First World War, reading this baby was like watching the most exquisite period film and hoping it won't end. This novel is brilliantly written, and not just because I am biased towards AS Byatt. I've loved her since Possession (which you should also read) and read everything she's written. This one is totally accessible - and devastating. Not necessarily a beach read, but fantastic. Break out the tissues.
The Slap - Christos Tsiolkas
I was hooked from the very start. At a BBQ in Australia a man slaps a child who isn't his. And thus it begins. After the proverbial shrimp on the barbie, the incident is seen through various eyes, intertwining stories and characters while painting a spectacular portrait of life in the Melbourne suburbs. Modern families, domestic life, identifiable characters and yet....totally sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. I couldn't put this one down - you won't either. AWESOME.
The Help - Kathryn Stockett
Is there anyone out there who HASN'T read this book yet? What are you waiting for? The film? Good books almost always outclass and outlast their oft feeble adaptations (unlike the cheesy books which make for FABULOUS flicks)....Set in 1962 Mississippi, we've got a university graduate ahead of her time who tells the stories of, well, the segregated town's Help: the nannies, babysitters, and maids. Compelling, brave, awesome. It's been in softcover for months now, so no more excuses. Grab it and start. You won't be able to put this one down.
Stieg Larsson Trilogy
What? How could I do a summer reading list without these books on it? Blockbusters to be sure - but with good reason. All of Sweden can't be wrong, right? The rest of the world obviously agrees. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. The Girl Who Played With Fire. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest. Potboilers. Kick-ass female lead. They are NOT flawless - the late novelist would probably have a lot to answer for, putting his magnificent Lisbeth Slander through such gruelling, violent and downright deviant experiences. His details made me a little squeamish, for both the content itself and the dichotomy of the strong female lead stacked up against such gross brutality. Did he need to go that far? Is it twisted porn in some ways? Who knows? They're terrific reads and quick quick quick, ensuring you have lots of time to finish them before you see all the Swedish flicks (no. 2 out next week) or the American remakes. My fave was the second book. What's yours?
One Day - David Nicholls
Full disclosure: I haven't finished this one yet. While I was in London one of my favourite people raved about it, foisted it upon me, and promised I'd love it. I saved it for the plane, but then got all caught up in the third and final Larsson book. Meanwhile, my man scooped me, read it in a matter of days while I read magazines, waiting. He loved it too. And suddenly - this book is everywhere. Or at least seems to be (Helloooooo EW). It's about two people who meet on the night of their college graduation. We follow their lives, chapter after chapter, each one depicting the same day, but one year later. I couldn't wait. I wanted to love it, live it, breathe it. And.... I didn't like it. The characters bored me. They felt cliched and earnest, annoying and indulgent (especially The Girl). AT FIRST. And then, last night, Emma and Dex (said characters) turned 30. And I turned into a fan. A huge fan. Total 360. Gripped?! I am gripped.
Gotta go. Must finish my book.
ENJOY!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)