OSCAR TALK

It's official. The biggest lunchbag letdown in showbiz has announced its contenders. Who's the little gold guy gonna go home with? And does anybody still care?

Yep, it's Oscar time. So wake me when it's over.

The Academy Awards has lost its spark. Not that this is news to anyone, but it's sort of sad nonetheless. Will I still tune in? OF COURSE! But I'll be bracing myself for the inevitable disappointment. Not because of the cheesy song 'n dance numbers. And not because of the overall earnestness. And definitely not because of the below-the-line-people's speeches. In fact, I kinda like those - especially when they thank their families and dead relatives. Those speeches, the death montage and all the tear-jerking sucky stuff I kinda dig.

No, the real reason for the letdown is because every other major award has already been given out, so there really are no surprises. DGA's, PGA's, SAG's. Every critic and their circles. And of course the Golden Globes. It's like unofficial insider trading to determine who will win the official Oscar race. In fact, nowadays the only way to win an Oscar pool is to correctly guess the short film and documentary categories. For everything else, the work is done.

Still, it's exciting to hear about Dreamgirls. The most nominations of all. Sure they missed the biggies, but let's face it, it's all about Effie. Always has been, always will be. No wonder audiences burst into spontaneous applause when Jenny Hudson belts it out. She's spectacular. So much so that when asked "Have you seen Dreamgirls?" the only possible answer I could give is "how many times?" (OK, that's a bit of a spice. Despite my best intentions to go again and again and again, I've still seen it but once. But hey, I have the cd - movie and play - in the car. It's the next best thing to being there. What? There's lots of flicks out there. Who has time for traders?!)

Looks like Marty Scorcese will finally get his Oscar. Not because The Departed is his best work, but because his time has come. And gone. And come again. And gone. And come again. The Academy loves doing that. Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman, anyone? I liked The Departed and I LOVED Marky Mark in it. But best picture? By the end the entire theatre was laughing - out loud laughing - as the body count rose.

Best Actor race has Mr Whitaker's name all over it. Haven't seen Last King O' Scotland. And I don't really want to. Maybe because I read the book years ago. For work. Back when I used to work. And I passed on it. Didn't think it was a movie. Oops. But he seems like a nice enough fellow, and that droopy eye always gets me, so Go Forest, Go.

Yes, I know it's Helen Mirren's year, but if I had a vote, and if it counted, it would be for Dame Judi. Always. Personally, I think Ms Mirren is a TV actress. An awesome TV actress, but I never can get past Prime Suspect. I also think The Queen is a TV movie. A very good TV movie, but a TV movie all the same.

But what do I know?

I know that Little Miss Sunshine was fantastic. And that Sasha Baron Cohen was robbed (robbed!). And the saying "yah man" in a South African accent is enough to score a person an Oscar nom. And that Ellen is hosting. I also know that I'm rooting for Babel - in every category. (Even the best supporting actress ones that it so deserves but will never get. Don't tell). And I know that no matter how you slice it, the best song demos always bite. Big time.

Oh who am I kidding? It's the Oscars....and it's all about the outfits!

RESOLVE THIS

I will, I won't, I swear, I'll try.....Talk, talk, talk, doesn't anybody...erm...do anymore?

I'm talking about New Year's resolutions. It's January 12th. Do you know where your resolutions are? Are they down the crapper? Come on, you can admit it. Still eating? Smoking? Lounging? Working too hard? Not working enough?

Probably.

Rather than fall off various wagons and miss crucial deadlines, I didn't even bother making resolutions. It's not that I think I'm perfect. Far from it. I'm just as much a fixer-upper as the next gal, if not more so. Always in need of a fine tuning here, a slight shaping there, a little motivation...

Motivation!! Maybe THAT's the problem. I'm so unmotivated (insert: "how unmotivated are you?"). Well, I'm so unmotivated that I can't even make a bloody New Year's resolution.

But with all the studies showing how fruitless they are, really, who can be bothered?

VIVA LA REVOLUCIONE!

Yep, I'm rebelling against resolutions. For me, this New Year's backlash isn't about staying home on New Year's Eve. Au contraire!!! But Jan 1st? Could there be a worse time to start making empty promises? I mean , puh-lease people - it's a national holiday! We're all still on vacation!

The good intentions of Christmas - I mean - The Holiday Season - are sweet. Nice. Charming. But come January? Buh-bye. I almost want to start smoking - almost. Except I need to be supportive to those who resolved not to. Eat less? I resolve to do that every week. But in January? Sheesh...I'm a Weight Watcher's Lifer and haven't been since the '007 began. Working too much? A non-issue for me. Starting work? Erm...It's January. Isn't showbiz dead in January? Isn't it?! All the best movies came out in Dec and the best TV is on hiatus 'til, well, Sunday. And people are just starting to get their work-groove back. Right?

That's what I tell myself.

And then there's the working out issue. Talk about been there, done that... I used to be a daily do'er. Complete with trainer. Mr. Mexico, no less. That's right, the real Mr. Mexico. While Miss America was saving the world or getting wasted, Mr Mexico was training me. Until I fell for someone else - Bikram. Cuz folks, let me tell you - nothing beats a Bikram body. Nothing. Except you can't do hot yoga pregnant. So that was replaced by walks. Power walks. Then strolls. Then stepping into the car. And now? The closest I come to a workout is lifting my fork to my mouth.

But not for long. Because I joined a gym. I joined a new, hot, fancy shmancy gym. I figured the price alone will drive me onto that treadmill. Except for one thing. My gym isn't open yet.

That's right, I'm so loathe to make a new year's - or anytime - resolution that I pre-joined a gym. Back in Sept. I figured I'd give myself a couple months to procrastinate and then, when it opened, I'd go. Is it a coincidence that it looks like it'll be opening in January? Perhaps. But because I joined a while back, and didn't make any announcements, it wouldn't be a real New Year's resolution. And thus I wouldn't be breaking it.

Here's the thing - while it's still not open officially, it's getting close. Every week I get emails informing me of the club's progress. The lobby's done. The equipment's in place. The classes are up and running. Unlike me. All that's left are the showers. And any minute now those changerooms will be rarin' to go - but will I? What excuses will I have left? By the time it opens it won't be about breaking New Year's Resolutions. It'll be about breaking in my shoes and breaking out of my lounging habit. The other day they even left me a message about setting up a fitness consultation. Is it too late to resolve not to waste time talking on the phone? Would that count?

Tick tock....January's flying by....If the resolutions are out the window, does that mean we have to keep the secret promises we made to ourselves...in September? I'm changing my mind. I am going to make resolutions. And stick to them too. If Jan 1st is the day, so be it. January 1st, 2008. Shame I missed the boat this year, then....A real, lovely, lazy shame....