LULU'S FOR LEMONS

Check out the following statement:

"Look at your cute clogs...I remember when you only wore high heels, were dressed to the nines, and had your hair cut 'n coloured by that rip-off guy....Now you're all comfy and relaxed...."

How would you interpret this?

a) that you're fabulous and chilled; mellowed with age.
b) that the person speaking has a secret ladies' shoe fetish
c) that you've let yourself go

If you said anything other than (c) you're a moron. Or a man. Same same sometimes. "Comfy"? Tere's not a whole lot worse you could call a person, without being straight-out rude! Fact is, lululemon is the best - and worst - thing to happen to a girl since the invention of lycra.

Lulus, and all their knock-off compatriots, have definitely helped the humble sweat pant grow in leaps and bounds. (Excuse the phys ed refs.) But when once they were seen as a somewhat chic way of dressing shlubby (in my mind that is) they've now become the ubiquitous uniform for stay at home moms, exercise fanatics, and those of us who need to shed a few.

In other words, they're the new Fat Pants.

They're black. They're flattering. They suck you in in all the right spots. We all wonder how we lived without them...And yet...they let the world know you're got nothing to wear, something to hide, or both. Outside of the gym, that is. I have one friend who refuses to wear her yoga pants after 12 noon. Another who will only wear them once she's inside the actual gym. And then there's me, who (until the clog/relaxed/what happened comment) refused to wear anything but!

Erm, "butt" being the operative word here.

Having a four-month old baby should be excuse enough for kicking back a la lemonata. And yet, it's not. With my other kids I always knew another pregnancy was on the cards, so never really invested. Sure, I joined a gym (or two) but rarely went. And of course I'm a Weight Watcher lifer. I always got back down to the starting line, give or take 5 lbs. But this time, it's done. No more babies to be born from this body. It's time to get back on the horse. The clothes horse that is.

But with an unforgiving, post-partum, 3-baby body it's easier said than done. Hence the yoga pants. And now it seems they're no longer an option. Or are they? Sure I remember the days of yore: not necessarily skinny, but definitely stylish. I was the chick who was dressed and blown dry on Sundays. In my apartment. And now? Jeans are my fancy pants. What happened? Have I let myself go? Is the most stylish thing about me my beloved iphone?

It is pretty stylish...

But I digress. Someone suggested I don't care as much now about how I look.

WHAT?!?

I straighten my hair for god's sake. I may colour it myself now, but I still straighten. With products. So I must care. Right?

Let's set the record straight.

I'M.NOT.GOING.ANYWHERE.

Or anywhere exciting. It's a short drive from my home to my kids' schools. Throw in a couple of detours for food 'n sundries and I'm done. For that I should dress up? How? Back in the day when I did get styley, I was also getting paid. Most of my money went towards feeding my shopping habit. Nowadays, my money isn't really mine. It's "ours". (Well, actually...my money is mine, his money is ours... but I don't really have any...And that's another story...) Either way, it's spoken for.

But not anymore. I'm turning over a new leaf. Or reverting back to an old one. I'm packing up my yoga pants. Putting away my sensible shoes (albeit high-heeled ones). All dressed up with no place to go? That'll be me. Suited and booted and rarin' to go. Nowhere. But in style.

At least for this week......