GLUTTON FOR SAN FRAN

My man turned 40 last week. Trying to figure out where to go and what to do for this particular fellow was a bit of a nightmare. He's one of the most social cats I know, so a party could be deadly - in every way. And trying to pick a handful of pals for an intimate soiree would result in no end of ribbing, jabs and possibly even stabs, so that was out. A weekend away with the family was out of the question. Aside from the fact that we'd be going South in December, hanging with the under-6 crowd wasn't really the ideal way to ring in a 40th. Plus we do that every day, so no chance Lance. The whole thing was giving me enough anxiety to give me a mid-life crisis.

So away we went. Gone. Outta here. Sa-yo-na-ra. Adios suckers.

Aaaaahh....if only it were that simple. Planning an escape in mid-November is less than ideal. The hot spots aren't hot, the exotic spots are too far for 3 days, and the close ones had the same weather sitch as being home. Hit or miss. My man claims he'd be happy in a neighbouring basement with a couple of bottles of wine. But we all know that would suck. Everybody says that - they don't care, they could go anywhere, etc. CRAP! Having spent one birthday in Niagara Falls, and another in Los Angeles, can you guess which was infinitely more enjoyable?!? Uh-huh, go west young man.

And so we did. Our surprise destination was San Francisco. My man always talked of it adoringly and I'd never been so it really was a no-brainer (once I got the idea into my head, that is).

The big reveal came the day of his birthday. In verse. I contemplated the at-the-airport suprise but post 911 airports aren't so festive. Plus half the fun of going out of town is bragging....I mean, getting excited about it. Plus, let's face it - it's hard enough to pack for myself, let alone choosing his outfits.

He read my dare-I-say awesome poem (which I wanted to post but he wouldn't let me and it is/was his birthday) and, as I suspected, he hadn't a clue. Genius surprise! California wasn't even on his radar for this birthday, which could be why it was all the sweeter...

That, or the food.

Who knew the City by the Bay was such a gourmet paradise? "Fog City"??? Totally inappropriate. Every day was sunny and glorious. It should be renamed "Food City" because, aside from walking off all the meals on those crazy hilly streets, all we did was eat. And some other stuff which I shall leave to your dirty little imaginations. This is a family site for f&cksake!

Frisco. NorCal. SF. San Fran. In three days we couldn't possibly sample all the city had to offer....Nor did we have a chance to venture away from the city limits, let alone the rest of the Bay Area or 49-Mile Drive. But we did see - and eat - blew our mind.

First off, the Hotel. We stayed at the Campton Place Hotel in Union Square. We thought of a couple others but this was the winner for us terms of location - and price. It's part of the Taj group of hotel. Swanky swanky. Tho this once was kinda Taj-lite, it was still AOK. Especially because of the INCREDIBLE concierge, Kyle. He figured us out in about 7 minutes. Maybe he's somewhat telepathic, or maybe we're easy reads, but either way, he had us down and pointed us in the right direction.

But back to the food....

First stop, Yank Sing. Best Damn Dim Sum. Ever. Apparently there are two locations. We hit the one in the Rincon Center. As we walked through a deserted (and very clean) financial district we hit this odd - and empty - mall. And then we followed the waft of garlic and found ourselves in dumpling heaven. Traditional dim sum like Har Gow and Sui Mai? Stupendous! Szechuan chicken? Crazy. And the chili fried green beans? We wanted to take the sauce home....Oh, wait, we did! Yes, you can even get their "delightfully spiced" (their words) chili sauce to go. the only regret? That we didn't buy some more when we had the chance. And they don't do mail order (I've already checked).

From there it was a short walk to the Ferry Building. On Saturdays there's a farmer's market there. We were too stuffed from our dim-sum-a-thon to go too wild, but there's an old saying that you feast with your eyes. So we did.

After sleeping off the jet lag (and dim sum hangover) we hit Spruce in Pacific Heights. The bar and main dining room were pretty amazing sights to behold. Which is why we were somewhat amused to find ourselves sandwiched between the pensioners' table in the back room. Kinda felt like losers, to be sure, but, as would be proven time and time again in this town, the food made up for it. Fine food, fine wine, and the nicest waitstaff in the west.

Sunday found us skipping breakfast and hitting the hotel's open air gym. Nothing like a sweat to get you ready for brunch! Especially at Absinthe in Hayes Valley. Kyle pointed us in its direction, but we ordered two massive breakfasts and some (literally) bad-ass pork product sides all on our own. Duck Confit Hash? Corn Cakes with wilted chard and poached eggs? Homemade sausage and bacon? Accompanied with beers and cocktails? We were outta control. And so was the food. Again. Best Bacon we'd ever had. And, like so many of Our People, we know bacon. A little too well...This one was smokey and maple-y and ridiculous. And stayed with us for hours, so we could enjoy it throughout the day.

Next stop was Foreign Cinema. No, not a movie, another bloody restaurant! This one was in the Mission. With an enormous outdoor patio and screening of flicks on their outdoor screen, we'd heard this place was not to be missed. But to be honest, we could've. Missed it that is. The setting far-surpassed the meal. It was tasty enough, and the wines were nice, but we probably should've blown it off for a Sunday night movie instead.

Monday took us to Nellie's Crab Shack on Union Street. We stumbled across it by mistake and it was a damn fine find. Especially the Cobb Louis. And the Bloody Mary. Oddly enough, the woman who ran the place had worked at all the restaurants we had been to. In fact, she overheard us arguing about the gluttonous theme of the weekend and insisted we keep the reservation we had for dinner that night.

Yes, we argued. Once. All over Gary Danko. the restaurant, not the man. I managed to snag us a reservation - apparently quite a challenge. And I'd heard that if there was one place you HAD to go to, it was there. And my man felt full. He was finished with eating. He couldn't stomach another restaurant meal. It was our last night in Frisco and he was done with dinners.

Except, in the end, we went to Gary Danko. And, in the end, he didn't like it. He LOVED it. Riding the cable car over there helped, but the meal was over the top. The service was impeccable, the food divine AND they brought us a birthday dessert. They remembered why we were there in the first place - even tho' I seemed to have forgotten! They have a roving cheese plate that they cut 'n serve table side. They have petit-fours that come with the coffees. And they send you home with a prettily-wrapped breakfast cake for the next day. Yum yum and yum.

We did other stuff too! I swear. Union Square was shopper's paradise. A little overwhelming but we managed. Hayes Valley is a great afternoon out. Restaurants and cake shops aside, they have some awesome independent boutiques. Sean, Gimme Shoes, Flight 101 to name a few. Chinatown, North Beach, Russian Hill, Cow's Hollow... All walks, all the time. And yes, we walked UP Lombard Street, the crookedest street in the world.

We also hit Alcatraz. The cruise, the walk, the audio tour. Aside from being iconic, cool and a great morning out, it saved us hundreds - in shopping and calories. We needed the break between meals. And we needed to NOT spend it shopping. Being shipped off to The Rock was just what we needed to round of our 4-pounder weekend.

If you're heading to San Francisco, enjoy....And bon appetite!