MONTREAL MON AMOUR

There comes a time in every parent's life when they look at their wonderful children, thank god (or whoever) for blessing them with such wonderful treasures, and wonder how to get the hell outta Dodge.

At least that's what happens in our house. Regularly. Sure, my man and I love our babes to bits. But we also love each other, which is why we skipped town, hit the 401 and headed to Montreal.

Montreal, je t'aime. Stunning, accessible, and a helluva lot cheaper than Toronto, what's not to love? Everyone's got their fave places and spaces. And here are mine:

HOTEL: Montreal is home to Canada's largest selection of boutique hotels. Or so it seems. We stayed at Hotel Gault, an award-winning, newish hotel in the self-described "Old Montreal's bustling west end" neck of the woods. First off, it wasn't bustling. But that's OK. Because it was only on the cusp of Vieux Montreal, you felt closer to the city itself And we liked that. Then again, the whole town feels a lot more compact than Toronto. And we liked that too. Anyhoo, Hotel Gault is gorgeous. Loft-like. Exposed stone walls. Concrete floors (heated in the bathroom). Tres moderne. Tres cool. And with a special $99-for-the-second-night deal, tres resonable. Especially when you consider they also include breakfast. Not a loser continental one either. Full menu, full buffet, or full combo. Full being the operative word. Dee-lish. They threw in a dinner too, but who wants to hang in their hotel the whole time?

Actually, don't answer that.

FOOD: Sit back, 'cuz this could take a while....The weekend may have been a 5 pounder. But I'll never tell. What I will tell you, tho', is that we ate like piggies. Or kings. Whatever.

Our friend insisted we try his home-away-from-home bistro, Lemeac. We did. Superb. And it has a cheapy menu for the hotshots who come in after 10PM. Like my Man and me. Check us out: we get to Montreal and, suddenly, we're all French and chic and late-night diners. But back to the food. We went prix fixe. There were a couple of translation issues, but it didn't matter because the waitress was lovely and it was just good grub. Especially the enormouus pain perdu dessert. Basically a massive hunk of carmelized french toast. Was better than it sounds. Much much better. Lemeac also had an extensive, if somewhat intimidating, wine list. Or so it seemed to non-vintner types.

There's a hot vegetarian resto on St Denis that also does a brusque take-out and casual lunch business. The mini version is called Chuch. Can't remember the name of the papa place. Anyhoo, it's cute to look at and has damn fine Thai foood - so good in fact, you wouldn't even know it was veggie! (No offense.) Actually, you might know. But if you get the deep fried seaweed and spinach you won't care.

Marathon Mike Schwartz. OK, that's not really a restaurant. But all good all the same. We went to Marathon Souvlaki to relive a childhood dream. Not mine. And was it worth the drive to Laval? Absolutely. Or so my Man says. I'm not a major souvlaki person, but I know a good tzaziki when I find one. And this was good. Very very good. (maybe not as good as Arahova's, but this was somebody else's memory lane, OK?) Mike's Submarines - ditto. Not my thing, but apparently tasty enough to make someone very very happy.

Schwartz's. Oooooh Schwartz's. Does deli get any better than this? I don't think so. Spectacular. Even cold and in the car. I'm telling you now, Montreal friends, I'll be putting in take out orders when next you go home.

But people, I've saved the best, le meilleur, for last. Le Club Chasse et Peche. Apparently the hottest spot in town. According to our concierge, it's worth moving to Montreal for. Well, we aren't moving (yet) but if we did.... Unreal. Spectacular food, simple yet terrific menu, and sexy as hell. It's the kind of place when someone says you have to go, you have to listen. So if you are planning a trip to Montreal, remember, You Have To Go. We had fois gras and beet salad and Tasmanian Char and Sweetbreads. No, not all together, morons. All fab. Even the veggies on the side were incredible. For dessert they had some kind of postmodern rice crispy square but, sadly, we never got to try it. We went for something else - some apple, caramel, pastry concoction. Who knows, it might've been awesome - but I was too full at this point to judge.

SHOPS: Aaaah shops... For many folks, Montreal equals shopping. For us, these are the handful that stood out:

Zone - pour la maison. Awesome homewares and gifty stuff. They have a few of these scattered round town (plus one in Ottawa). In fact, you could spit and hit a great home furnishing place. We've decided when (if) we move house, we'll be taking a truck to Montreal and loading it up. They've got a great thing going on in the design department and, best of all, it's kind of on the cheap side!

Factorie - for ladies and gents. Divide and conquer. And if you can get the oh-so-chic and helpful owner to help you, do. He knows gorgeous.

Lola et Emily - great ladies wear. Like a combo of my two beloved NYC stores, Anthropologie and Olive & Bette's. If I need to say more, then just skip it. It's pas pour vous.

Mortimer Snodgrass - kitschy and fun. Gifts for suckers of all ages.

And, and, and....The list could go on and on and on. But we only had two days and we were driving, so this is it. For now.

Sure, the days of long haul, far flung, exotic vacays may be on hold, but we'll always have Montreal...